Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the day after is always just damage control
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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