I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
