Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
