Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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