Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
