He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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