We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
