My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
