My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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