he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
