there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
