If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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