i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
