I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
