he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
