I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
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I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
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Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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