i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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