ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
