Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
