Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
