Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
