what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
