Your face is a jimmy john
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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