I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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