she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
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True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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