i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
