i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
