So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
