I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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