You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize