About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My vagina is officially offended.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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