I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
