The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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