Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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