I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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