I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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