i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
nutella sex= disaster
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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