So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
