your parents love me but you hate me
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
