so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
