You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
