so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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