did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
