you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
