My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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