we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
