i was born a porn star she said
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
