White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
