how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
