apparently the secret to your success is patron
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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