This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
