If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
