I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
