I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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