I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
