I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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