I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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