I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
