I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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